Constitutional Law
Part 2: “What Were They Thinking?”
Digression: “A History of Government in 6 Revolutions: From the Paleolithic to Philadelphia”
Pg 131: “Athenian Segue”
PANEL 1
Above a map of Europe, the Levant, and North Africa, Average Joe addresses the reader.
AVERAGE JOE:
And so we’ve reached the point where we must leave the African and Near-Eastern cradles of civilization…
…and turn to the next big revolution in the history of government.
A uniquely European revolution.
PANEL 2
Sis, wearing an ancient Greek chiton and her red sneakers, jumps and makes a victory punch. Average Joe looks on, startled. Behind them is a doodle of a stereotypical Greek temple.
SIS:
YES!
On to Athens!
JOE:
Eh?
PANEL 3
Sis gives Joe a wary, questioning glance. Joe points off the page behind her.
SIS:
What do you mean, “eh”?
We’re finally getting to the birth of democracy, ain’t we?
JOE:
Don’t be silly.
We passed Athenian democracy about, oh, four hundred years back thataway.
PANEL 4
A line drawing of a tribal gathering, with one man asking the others “all in favor?” Sis and Joe are speaking from offscreen.
SIS:
Yes, but-
JOE:
Anyway, democracy was hardly a revolutionary new development—how do you think tribe and village assemblies worked before kings came along?
Or Paleolithic bands, for that matter? If anything, democracy’s our default.
PANEL 5
Joe continues his thought, while Sis, The State, and Lady Justice react with shock and confusion.
JOE:
More to the point, Athenian democracy isn’t all that important to our story.
SIS:
ExCUSE me?
THE STATE:
Athenian democracy?
LADY JUSTICE:
Not important?
PANEL 6
Joe explains calmly, and Sis responds with a “gotcha” look.
JOE:
Not really, no.
It only existed what, 170 years?
And I bet you can’t name a single country that ever copied their system.
SIS:
Oh, like America?
I bet the Framers of the Constitution might disagree with you on that one.
PANEL 7
The Framers, interrupted during the Constitutional Convention, address the reader.
GEORGE WASHINGTON:
On the contrary, one of the few things we all agreed on was that we shouldn’t be inspired by Athens.
JAMES MADISON:
The Athenian way of doing things would have been the surest guarantee of folly, injustice, and oppression!
VOICES:
Hear! Hear!
GOUVERNEUR MORRIS:
Even if every voter was smarter than Socrates, we’d still wind up governing ourselves as a mob of morons… led by demagogues.
ALEXANDER HAMILTON:
Our Constitution needed to prevent such democracy, not promote it!
PANEL 8
INSET:
Sis makes puppy-dog eyes, welling up with tears. Joe remains adamant.
SIS:
But… but… democracy.
JOE:
No.
Now, as I was saying-
FULL PANEL:
The State and Lady Justice interrupt, towering high over Joe and Sis. The State is wielding her giant hammer, and Lady Justice is slapping her sword on the palm of her hand. Joe is startled, while Sis pounds a fist into her other hand.
THE STATE:
A-hem?
JOE:
Uh… As I was, uh…
THE STATE:
Pray, continue.
LADY JUSTICE:
Yes.
Pray.
JOE:
Ah.
Right!
As I was saying, it’s time for us to head on over to Ancient Greece!
And see what we can learn from Athenian democracy!